I Don’t Wanna Share My Cave!

This hermit has been facing financial challenges.  After hour cuts and then imposed unpaid vacation time at my place of part-time employment (that literally pays my bills), I have had to take on a roommate. That’s right…someone else…who lives here.

Um…it isn’t working out.

I NEED MY OWN SPACE!!!

I HAVEN’T SLEPT WELL IN TWO WEEKS!!!

PULL THE SHOWER CURTAIN AFTER A SHOWER; THE CURTAIN WILL GET MOLDY!!!

I tried.  I really did.  I was gung ho.  I was sure I had been blessed when I found someone.  I so carefully crafted my ad including things like “must keep reasonable hours” (who knew some people think midnight is reasonable?!) and “entertain elsewhere”.  I was so sure I could do anything for three short months…even share a bathroom.

WRONG!

I NEED to live in a meditative environment.  I NEED to be completely away from other people a great deal of the time.  I NEED at least 8 hours of sleep to feel human…with only occasional exception.  I can’t help it.  I’m wired differently.

And right now, I’m ready to pull my remaining hairs out.  It’s only been two weeks…but two weeks without decent sleep and constantly feeling on alert has made me weak and tired, nervous and irritable, grumpy and agitated.  The presence (and unfortunately the smell) of a stranger in my sanctuary is too much a disturbing force. (Just so you know, I have lived successfully with a roommate; God bless you, Eric, wherever you are!)

I DON’T WANNA SHARE MY CAVE!

But financially, I have little choice. So let me rephrase that.  I don’t want to share my cave with just anybody!

Stay tuned for updates…

…which may include the headline…

UNREASONABLE ROOMMATE CHOOSES WAR OVER BREAKING LEASE

or maybe even…

HERMIT FINDS LIKE TO SHARE JOYS OF QUIET, ENERGETICALLY UNOBTRUSIVE LIVING.

Pray for me.

What a Way to Meet People!

Recently, this emerging hermit spent a glorious week with 250 people at Lake Kanuga.  Gorgeous!

Okay, okay, it was in silence, but what a slice of heaven! I was on silent retreat with Adyashanti.

There was never any fear of rejection or saying something inarticulate, no dealing with other people’s projections…not much anyway, no conversations to uphold, and no socially mandatory eye contact or nodding in agreement required. No cell phones, no internet, no notes, and nothing to do but eat, sleep, walk, stretch, breathe, and sit. That’s life stripped down to such a natural bare.

I did have a roommate who decided during our week together that she had two very important things to convey to me using sign language and fairly comical gesturing.  It was a bit irritating because what she shared held no importance whatsoever, but it took effort for me to figure out.  The messages were as benign as “I’m going to wash my feet now,” and “That light seems to be broken.”  Now, it all rather makes me chuckle. But in the moment, it felt disrespectful of our inward focus.

Of course, there were still voices…mostly the ones in my head but we did have satsangs or question and answer periods with  Adyashanti, too. But even the voices in my head took frequent breaks. At one point, I could barely walk back to my room, my mind was so blank. It took a tremendous effort…and to be honest, kind of freaked me out.  I felt so “stupid.” But with the promise of dinner, the state soon passed.

Now, I feel “reset”, like a rebooted program.  Everything inside feels clean and crisp. I’m even meditating twice a day a week later, and I eat my meals without reading or surfing the net.

Silence. I highly recommend it…in large doses.  With or without others.